Perhaps you’ve spent the past 24 hours trapped under a rock in a remote forest with especially crappy wi-fi.
If so, we’d like to both congratulate you on your escape and warn you that your return to society is about to be made bittersweet, at best:
Yes, Kanye West paid a visit to the White House yesterday, and the ensuing madness made almost everything else Yeezy has done over the course of his bonkers career look downright quaint by comparison.
(Notice we said “almost.” Referring to slavery as “a choice” is still tough to top in terms of batsh-t insanity.)
There are too many insane quotes to catalog here, but suffice it to say, Kanye said his MAGA hat makes him feel like Superman, which in turn makes him want to play catch with his 2-year-old son.
He then referred to himself as a crazy motherf–ker and basically admitted that he didn’t vote for Hillary because she’s a woman.
He capped the whole thing off by coming around the president’s desk and hugging him, while Trump did that crossed arms, half smile thing he does when he’s experiencing an emotion other than anger at the poors or anger at “the elites.”
“I tell you what, that was pretty impressive. That was quite something,” Trump said in response to Yeezus’ sermon, proving that the whole thing was a bit much even for the most effective agent of chaos the nation has ever known.
Of course, we all knew Trump would blow a bunch of smoke up his new buddy’s ass.
No surprise there.
The reaction we’re really interested in is that of Kanye’s long-suffering wife, Kim Kardashian.
According to a new report from Radar Online, Kim was “horrified” by her husband’s Oval Office tirade.
An insider tells the site that the mother of three no longer feels safe in her own home and “has been getting threats” ever since the rant went viral.
“It has come to the point where she feels unsafe and fears for her safety and that of the kids,” the source adds.
Rumors of Kim and Kanye getting divorced have been circulating for years, but they’ve never seemed more credible than right now.
Sources describe the marriage as “extremely strained,” noting that Kanye is moving to Chicago soon, and Kim has no plans to follow him.
“She just cannot handle another breakdown,” one insider says.
We can’t blame her for feeling stressed, but it’s important to point out that Kanye made a good point or two amidst all that nonsense.
“There’s a lot of things that affect our mental health that make us do crazy things,” West opined at one point.
To be fair, we can’t think of a single statement that more accurately encapsulates life in 2018.
It’s just the sort of thing we wish he had tweeted instead of shouting to a bunch of reporters in the Oval Office while Kid Rock stood in the foyer waiting to offer his two cents.
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