You can thank me later for ruining your childhood.
1. If mermaids were real then Ariel’s nose would be on top of her head.
In The Little Mermaid, Ariel’s biggest problem is the fabulous drag-queen like octopus, Ursula. But if mermaids actually evolved to live in the sea then Ariel’s story would take a very different turn.
“[Mermaids] would most likely have dorsal fins sticking out of their backs. Think of dolphins. Also, the arms would be fin-like or gone. There is not much use for hands in the open ocean. Further, their noses would be on the tops of their heads. And finally, they would be hairless, so no flowing locks,” University of California, Irvine evolutionary biologist Bradford Hawkins, Ph.D., told BuzzFeed over email.
Unless Prince Eric is into “alternative” looks, then it looks like he’s ain’t gonna kiss the girl.
2. Aladdin and Jasmine’s faces would burn off during their romantic magic carpet ride, according to the laws of physics.
During Aladdin and Jasmine’s oh-so-romantic magic carpet ride, the couple traveled from Cairo to Athens in essentially one second. Alejandro Garcia, Ph.D., an animation physicist at San Jose State University and DreamWorks told us what would happen if this were theoretically possible.
According to Garcia’s calculations, they would be traveling at around 621 miles per second. The drag force or air resistance would be 100 million times larger than their weight.
“Since meteors burn up as they enter our atmosphere and they travel at a mere [6 to 43 miles] per second, it seems that Aladdin and Jasmine certainly need some magic to keep them safe from the viscous heat generated by their motion through the air,” he said.
They would be squashed flat by the force and simultaneously disintegrate due to the heat. Aladdin and Jasmine would still experience a whole new world…in hell.
3. Finding Nemo is really a story about incest.
Nemo is a clownfish whose mother was unfortunately eaten by a barracuda in the film, leaving his poor father a widower.
But if this were biologically accurate, Nemo would engage in some family-friendly fun that isn’t exactly Disney kosher. Clownfish are hermaphrodites, according to fishery scientist Patrick Cooney’s blog.
Nemo’s father would transform into a female once his mate dies. “Since Nemo is the only other clownfish around, he becomes a male and mates with his father (who is now a female). Should his father die, Nemo would change into a female and mate with another male,” Cooney wrote. Apparently, Nemo suffers from an Oedifish complex.
4. Pinocchio’s head would snap off after he told 13 lies.
Pinocchio was a wooden puppet whose one wish was to become a real boy. But he had a problem: His nose would grow every time he told a lie.
According to Steffan Llewellyn’s calculations in the Journal of Interdisciplinary Science Topics (JIST), Pinocchio would only be able to tell 13 lies before his nose reaches around 682 feet and he is decapitated by the force exerted by his head on his neck.
“Nevertheless, this unique ability can be of great concern for the puppet, and
lengthy, extensive lies are advised against, for the health and well-being of Pinocchio,” he wrote.
It looks like Pinocchio will never become a real boy, after all.
5. Prince Naveen’s transformation into a frog would cause a blast wave that would crush Tiana, according to E=mc2.
It’s every girl’s dream to marry a prince…and destroy the world. In The Princess and the Frog, Prince Naveen finally becomes human again after he marries Tiana. Apparently, it is theoretically possible to gain enough energy for a frog to transform into a human, according to Yannic Chen’s calculations in JIST.
To do this, you’d have to take all the energy out of air: This causes everything to freeze, including air, said Alejandro Garcia. Nitrogen and oxygen turn into liquids. Atmosphere would rush into the vacuum created by low air pressure. “This would be similar to a blast wave from a nuclear weapon,” Garcia said.
They would be crushed by the pressure of the blast wave, said Garcia. Or their stomachs and organs would burst or shatter from ingesting liquid nitrogen, according to the BBC. And the heat that is generated would burn their retinas and skin, describes the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. It’s a love story for the ages.
6. Geppetto from Pinocchio would be dismembered when he’s swallowed by Monstro the whale.
In the movie, Pinocchio’s human “father” Geppetto is swallowed by a giant whale but manages to escape, unscathed, when the whale sneezes.
According to Hawkins, Geppetto would probably suffocate if he’s swallowed whole. The whale would vomit up Geppetto, since the animal is not adapted to digest mammal meat.
Since Monstro is a toothed whale, like killer whales, then it’s more likely that Monstro would tear Geppetto to pieces before swallowing him. This is similar to the way killer whales eat seals, said Hawkins.
7. Sleeping Beauty would be covered in scales.
In Sleeping Beauty, our heroine Aurora, enters a state of graceful, deep sleep, and she can only be awakened by a kiss from her true love.
In real life, this is called a coma. Without medical attention, Aurora would die of thirst within a week or two, said Hawkins.
Her soft skin would turn dry, scaly, and brittle due to dehydration. Furthermore, she’d have bad breath because of a lack of saliva (which has antibacterial properties). Forget about that kiss, princess.
8. Princess Elsa from Frozen is a killer.
In Frozen, Princess Elsa accidentally freezes her sister Anna in the most innocent of ways. In the end, Anna thaws and comes back to life. They all live happily ever after.
In real life, Anna would die. “It is not currently possible to unfreeze someone, although there are proponents of cryogenics who think that this will be one day,” Hawkins said.
Here’s the thing: In cryogenics, the body is injected with chemicals to prevent blood-clotting, according to the BBC. Anna’s blood would coagulate without the procedure. And her cells would freeze and shatter without a sort of human anti-freeze. Needless to say, her body would be beyond recovery in the most gruesome of ways. Thanks, Elsa.
9. In fact, The Lion King might be the most scientifically accurate Disney movie, despite being about talking animals.
Who can forgot this famous scene where Simba, Timon, and Pumbaa stare up at the sky and pontificate about the stars. Simba, who is supposed to be the leader, thinks stars are dead kings (idiot). Timon says they’re fireflies.
But it was Pumbaa who said, “I always thought they were balls of gas burning millions of miles away.” Touche, Pumbaa.
Unfortunately, Simba would eat Pumbaa and Timon if this were real life.
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